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Hello. I am Alan. This is my blog // Tumblr.
I take photographs and make things.
Say hi. Enjoy!

September 10th, 2014 | | |


Today’s the day. The day you help save the internet from being ruined.


Yes, you are, and we’re ready to help you.

(Long story short: The FCC is about to make a critical decision as to whether or not internet service providers have to treat all traffic equally. If they choose wrong, then the internet where anyone can start a website for any reason at all, the internet that’s been so momentous, funny, weird, and surprising—that internet could cease to exist. Here’s your chance to preserve a beautiful thing.)

reblogged from: staff
August 5th, 2014 | | |
July 25th, 2014 | | |

Already want to edit my last post, because the beginning is so weak and the ending is filled with warm lush shit, but too lazy. Just wanted to tell the young kids publishing stuff that they better get their game right because that shit gets stale fast.

July 25th, 2014 | | |

You Aren’t Stealing From Me

I am a little over the rants about artists having their digital content “stolen” from them. I pretty much agree with what they are saying, but it just doesn’t do anything. That is why I think it is time to talk about the other side of the process. Not the artist whining talking about themselves, but you. This is all about you. This is for the spectators, the consumers, the voyeurs… This is about you using this content and destroying the future’s. If you want the Internet to become a place with rubble everywhere except a few historical buildings, then you are doing it right.

If you haven’t noticed this lately about the Internet, it is that it is becoming more commercial. More mainstream. More mono. The big old companies are learning how to use it and with their deep pockets, they have little problem shoving content in your face. Especially the content that is flashing and dancing while you are trying to look at something else. You know that video that pops up when you enter a site and then you have to click on the little x, but then the x dances around and you now have to close the new window that just opened wasting some bandwidth that another huge company is charging you for to fill their deep pockets.

I just explained it all to you right there. You are paying for content you don’t want. You may be ‘stealing’ a few pennies here and there from people who create the content you love, but also you are paying out your well earned money to the people who create the content you don’t give a shit about.

If the creators of the content cannot buy food or pay their rent, they probably will stop posting content that you would love.

Now, I know you would love to use the excuse that even if one stops posting, there are many others. Well, let me tell you this, there is a lot of fucking water in the world, but some places run out of it. You can taint that water and make it unusable and it is a resource that seems endless. There are many people in the world and many would love to get their creations out to the world, but don’t expect great results for long while tainting the barrel.

This is for those kids who were born and the Internet was already a thing. Let me tell you, I am 31 and have been on the Internet half my life. The Internet 5 years ago is nothing like the Internet today. The Internet 10 years ago would blow your mind. And the Internet 15 years ago will make your brain go to mush… and this is exactly where the Internet is headed with your help.

See, 15 years ago there was this Internet company that was much like ABC or NBC or CBS on TV, if like in the past there were only those channels. I know this too may be hard to think about, but imagine if you only had 30 channels of TV to choose from. Now, imagine there are only 3. This can be your Internet of the future. [I mostly, do not think this will happen, because you aren’t that stupid. It may take you some time, but you will realize that this whole FREE* content thing isn’t real and you are shitting out your mouth.]

I know you are probably thinking that this is not what is happening. That the Internet is opening all these new channels. That publishing content is so easy that anyone can do it. Your Tumblr page is your own little channel that you select such beautiful content, that your friends and people you don’t know think you have such good taste. Well let me give you a warning. If you keep playing this game, your shit will start to stink and then it will dry up and what are you going to do with that shriveled up shit?

This is probably the most important part! Here is the thing about publishers (which is what you are, congratulations!), they want to keep good rapport (it is a big word for ah whatever, this is the Internet, they answer is so easy to get!) with their creators. Why? They want their creators to keep on creating, so they can keep on publishing.

Now, if you don’t have good rapport and your creators stop creating you will be able to play around with all that content which has been made and published in magazines and posted to the Internet. However, once it is has made its rounds through the Internet a few times like the old tourist traps you visit in a city, you are left with a stale shit (note: there are exceptions to things that are beautiful and can be admired many times, however you may notice these to become overcrowded and then those damn people selling shit start blocking the view).

What you are missing out on is the content you don’t even know you want to publish. Your viewers would be shitting themselves instantly if they knew what you could post this shit. No, I am not talking about that shit you saw that a year ago which may be mildly interesting this time around. I am talking about the stuff in the future, the stuff you cannot even smell yet, because that shit is fresh.

You are holding yourself back from this fresh shit and you are shoving that old piece of shit back up your ass and pooping it out and showing it to everyone to make them think you are so interesting (hopefully, you aren’t swallowing it and hoping to create something new out of that shit, because that will kill you [although, I don’t know what would happen if you enema yourself with a dried up piece of pooh…]).

Stop trying to rehydrate those old pieces of shit. Just feed one of the creators you love, so they can create something that is going to make you and everyone you show drool. That thing is going to be the freshest and juiciest and most beautiful shit that you have ever seen.

July 23rd, 2014 | | |

This article hits a main point I was thinking about this week. It also adds in some points which I do not agree with, but hey that is part of moving energy around.

Anyway, the whole idea of being thought of as pretentious or an asshole because you decide not to eat meat or animal products seems to be a flipped view on what is happening. I kind of understand the logic that leads to it, but I first want to explain why I am vegan and why I think that does not really make me an asshole.

First reason: attempting to inflict less pain on animals. Asshole score: 0 (The inverse seems to be the asshole move.)

Second reason: health to myself. Asshole score: 0 (I understand the concept of sadomasochism, I believe that they are in it for increasing their pleasure and health, even if it involves a little pain. [Side note: Pain and Gain is on Netflix and that shit (pun intended) is worth watching.] I prefer to inflict less pain on my stomach and internals, which makes my asshole happy without making me an asshole.)

Third reason: attempting to inflict less damage to our environment. Asshole score: 0 (I am pretty sure using like 1% of the resources to obtain protein by eating not animal proteins should not make one an asshole [to anyone who wants to know where I get my protein, I ask you this question: where does the cow get its protein?]. Especially, in a state that is possibly sliding into a water shit show and meat has a large thirst for that water. 

Speaking of shit, humans started shitting into water about a century ago, after they had problems with drinking water being contaminated with… shit. Which brings me back to the point about why my choice of being a vegan makes me an asshole: my attempt to be less of an asshole makes you feel like you are being an asshole, therefore making me the asshole for making you feel like one.

Finally, I just want to say I love assholes. Literally. The real literally. They are a beautiful part of our existence. If there wasn’t an asshole that ate meat to survive, I wouldn’t be here with the knowledge from their experience. If there wasn’t an asshole that stopped eating meat to survive, I wouldn’t be here with the knowledge from their experience. If there wasn’t an asshole that shat in the drinking water, I wouldn’t be here with the knowledge that shitting in drinking water is not safe. If there wasn’t an asshole with flesh rotting off from krokodil, then I wouldn’t know krokodil isn’t a youth restoring concoction and actually rots flesh. If there wasn’t an asshole on my body, I would be loaded with shit. I definitely love and thank all the assholes that have gotten me to this point.

In conclusion, assholes exist and they have to shit some where… I just prefer to shit in a bucket that gets composted and helps plants grow, which then feeds me; creating more shit that comes out of my asshole.

July 23rd, 2014 | | |

imaimaadiva said: Reading your Reddit post... Felt like my subconscious vomit through someone else. Death to the swine who aren't a part of the universal membrane! I felt it! I am a part of it! These people have never experienced déjà vu in their lives. Keep getting lit until death by nirvana is achieved. Ohmmmmmmm -Leah

Yeah, I was trying to keep it as vomit-like as possible. Not all edited and cleaned up. I preferred to let the process flow out.

Anyway, I think all swine are part of the universal membrane, it is all one. Butt, thanks for this message as I was feeling like I could be a crazed asshole (not that there is anything wrong with assholes).

July 23rd, 2014 | | |

It just came to this. Thank you Internet. I went on a wild ride tonight, and you can read about it here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here.

July 10th, 2014 | | |

I made grapefruit//mint//stevia ice pops yesterday.

The grapefruits were from a tree in the backyard and another two blocks away. Mint and stevia were also from the backyard. The sticks came from Amazon (not the Amazon rainforest).

July 4th, 2014 | | |

Instagram removed this image, because the word nude.

Nude is the term for a body lacking clothing, because bodies have clothing and if you remove them then you are naked. Language is weird.

Can someone explain the difference between a body and a nude body?

July 4th, 2014 | | |

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men [sic] are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

In honor of those celebrating independence and to those still fighting for their own, I have listed a triptych of me eating a burrito in San Francisco. It is a 11x17 print available in a limited edition of 11 for only $11 in my Etsy store. [To illuminati people: 7+4=11 1+1=2 (U should $ 2)]

Also, Be Healthy, Yeah the zine Vol. One is no longer $11, but a steal of a deal [like free* from great marketing capitalists] of only $5. Stickers are only $1 with free* shipping when you buy something else. Capitalism!

This has been an announcement and study of BOLD, italics, and strikethrough. Thank you. <3 ALAN

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